“Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone”

Pablo Picasso

 

Should I mow the lawn today or wait until next week?

Can my hair go another few days until I get it cut?

Should I clean my bathtub today or try doing it tomorrow?

I am terrified of calling my estranged father today because of what he might say and how he will make me feel – and besides, he treated me so poorly.

We all recognize the signs of procrastination. Sometimes it is based predominantly on laziness – no harm no foul by delaying the action that will get done sooner or later.

However, where one is unsure of the outcome resulting from a perceived dreaded action, where deep down we feel it is a matter that we should take care of, fear and uncertainty takes over and can often paralyze us into inaction. We become so anxious and fearful of the outcome – sometimes we never embark on it and perchance – it becomes no longer possible.

Never does a day go by that I am not grateful for taking the bold and challenging step to reach out to my aging and estranged father – with one last gut-wrenching effort. And rarely a day goes by when someone I encounter does not own up to having their own family separation they are battling and yes, procrastinating over.

Ask yourself this … how long do you plan to wait until the choice is taken away from you?

That can of course mean one of two possibilities. You die first or they do. Then the choice is no longer a choice, but now the survivor of the bitterness lives forever with the reality confirmed as a permanent state. It is funny, we avoid the hard decision, one that can ultimately bring relief or resolution, but by not making the choice, the upshot is a life sentence of a painful matter unresolved that could have been undertaken.

 Once the choice has been taken away – now what? Guilt? Remorse? Regret?

So taking action is hard? You feel the other person should make the first move. They were in the wrong you were the wronged? They need you more than you need them. The hell with ‘em!

Is it your pride that is holding you back? Stubbornness? Refusing to give in? Feel it is a characteristic of weakness?

One last thought. Think of the example we are setting for our children. What are we teaching them? What if the shoe were on the other foot?

I do hope that someone out there reads this and chooses a different path and as a consequence receives an unexpectedly wondrous result … just one of you.

“We were talking about the space between us all and the people who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion. Never glimpse the truth – then it’s far too late when they pass away”

George Harrison

“The easy days ahead of you will be easy. It is the hard days – the times that challenge you to your very core – that determine who you are.”  Sheryl Sandberg

All of us have suffered. Pain, sometimes resulting in trauma of some sort, has and always will be a part of our lives. We have failed. We have been ill. Within our close circle of friends and family we bore their hurt and anguish as well.

Life is regularly interrupted by emotional if not physical ups and downs – sometimes both at the same time. We question; why me, why me again, why now, why like this and when will it end? During this disturbance and sorrow we seek comfort. Comfort can take many forms through both healthy and unhealthy choices … physical and non-physical remedies. We also us seek out other people with whom to share our sorrow or alternatively seek the nonjudgmental, pure love and affection of a cherished pet.

These upsets, setbacks or just feeling out of sorts is a commonplace circumstance that befalls us every now and then even sometimes without any explanation or apparent causal effect. I have read recently that this phenomenon can be best described as being out of alignment. The natural or safe state of our emotional equilibrium can be jolted out of place – leaving us with a sense of searching, questioning, and fidgeting towards righting our position.

On Being, a broadly listen-to podcast by Krista Tippett recently aired a discussion with Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook fame and Adam Grant – a renowned multidimensional author. Adam, a friend to Sheryl and her late husband David, together wrote a book after her husband’s very sudden and untimely death titled Option B. I admit I have not read this yet but I plan to. However, this beautifully woven and stirring podcast on Resilience – is a lesson for all of us. Personally, it struck a resounding cord, and took me back in time as I reflected on aspects of my own ups and downs and up journey we call life.

Shit happens to all of us. And when that happens, we wipe it off, clean up and move forward again. What other choice do we have? But, we do have a choice in how or even if we pick ourselves up off the ground. We too often become absorbed in those “whys” noted above. We succumb to self-pity, leading to self-doubt and perhaps even a fatalistic view of our future.

Sandberg said that when bad things happen, one should seek to find the balance between no control and no order and the emotion one feels … and learn to accept this lack of control when bad things or hardship occurs.

Perhaps like you are doing now, I became motionless upon hearing those profound and deeply meaningful words uttered by Sheryl.

What did that symbolize in my life? “No control and no order” and “to accept the lack of control …”. Each one of us will have a unique interpretation of what this means only if we first make an attempt to decipher its adaptability into our own lives.

You see, whatever is going through your mind at this moment is proof that choice is an option even during the most difficult times of your life. Autopilot is only operational while cruising at 35,000 feet, but is not turned on when landing a plane. Autopilot is also not an optimal state during personal adversity and challenge – whatever form that may take.

This is the time to ask ourselves questions, for example, “what can I do now?” Not the reactive and reflex leaning “why” but the proactive, action orientated “what”.

But what prevents us from acting, doing and thinking differently from how we are accustomed is conditioning. Only as one arrives at the conclusion that the old ways are no longer serving us well can walls be torn down and in their place bridges constructed towards a new, fresh and liberating methodology. It is this psychocultural rigidity that inhibits our growth as truly evolved human beings. Not an easy lesson …

To put it another way, Adam Grant wrote,

“Too often, we get stuck in defending our old views instead of being open to exploring new ones.”

I believe that an emotionally healthier resilience for all life’s challenges that awaits us depends upon us moving closer to that which we are all capable of – exercising the choice that we have in most facets of life.